Saturday, August 28, 2010

So What Happens When You Really Live Your Dreams...

I was just watching a show about kids in High School.  I feel like High School was just a couple of years ago... however, it turns out High School was about 8-9 years ago... wow!  I remember the girl I was back then - the dreams I had.  The really crazy thing that I just realized is that I have actually lived most of the goals/dreams I wanted for myself.  It started out with my adventure to Hawaii and living there, becoming a college athlete (cheerleader!), graduating in Business Finance, climbing the corporate ladder (Vice President position of a national CRE banking group - promoted just before my 25th birthday), obtaining a specific figured income goal for one year (age 25), running two marathons a month apart at 26.2 miles a piece (in 2008), and then going to graduate school for fashion design.  I will complete my graduate degree in December of this year 2010... less than 115 days away.  So now what?  What is left?  Well now that all of that can be checked off my list, there are some very important goals left:  To start and run my own successful business, find - fall madly in love with - and marry my soulmate forever in the temple, and become a mother.  Oh and just for good measure go to Tahiti.

I don't think a day goes by where I'm not thinking about what I want in life, what goals I have, what my dreams are.  I have accomplished a great deal of what I have wanted to achieve, but I think the most important goals are the ones still to come.  These remaining goals that I have so far in my life are the ones that will most likely bring me the most meaning for my life, the most happiness, and make me a better person if I should be so blessed to accomplish them.  I think about the goals I have yet to achieve and I become a little afraid about not getting there.  However, then I just remember accomplishing my previous goals.  They all started out with a dream and a desire to obtain.  I then worked very hard.  Nothing came easy, but I just never gave up, and I eventually got there.

I have an amazing family.  They have taught me so many things and have supported me in so many ways.  I will forever love them for this.  I'm very fortunate to have a family that has praised me while I was up and has lifted me when I was down.  Let's just say that along with the good sometimes comes the bad and our life trials.  These I have experienced.  Trials - once you overcome them fully they can become strengths to you and to those around you.  The path has not always been easy or fun, it has been very difficult at times.  The most important thing is that I haven't given up yet.  My family will never give up on me.  Life is a refining process.  Life should be about family.  That is if you want a life full of meaning and happiness.  The beautiful thing is that we all have the ability to have families of our own, if we so choose.

Monday, August 23, 2010

LA You Can Have It Because I Don't Want It.

There is so much attitude and pretentiousness in this city - enough to fill eight million hot air balloons.  In life you've got to choose your battles.  LA is never going to change.  I've never met so many people who think they are going to be rich and famous.  When you look into their eyes, that is the only story their souls tell.  I don't want to be any part of that.  It's like the city has a disease.  They ramble on in nonsensical ways.  I guess I didn't get the memo when crazy zombies took over LA.  It's short and simple - I don't want to be a LALA Land victim.  So there you go, my bubble has been popped, I've seen it all!  Now I'm the one who is turning my back.  I'm moving on.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Who am I? Where am I going?

This is the purpose of us being here - to learn who we are.  It is vital for each of us to frequently ask ourselves - Who am I?  Where am I going? 

When we are learning who we are, we are also taking steps in many different directions.  Our destination is directed as we grow to know ourselves.  We get to make choices which lead us to who we become.  We can make changes to who we are by redirecting our paths.  We do have choice.  When we make good decisions it frees us to have more available choices; in an essence we become even more free.  If we make poor decisions we bind ourselves; in an essence we are in prison and our scope of choice becomes extremely limited. 

What's the difference between a good decision and a poor decision.  Just step back for a few minutes and ignore your carnal/brute nature and listen to your heart or what impressions you feel by your gut instinct.  The good decisions often times are not based on instant gratification. 

I've been doing a great deal of self reflection and changing back to who I know I really am.  The change has been more than worth it by how I feel.  I'm finally getting that inner happiness back.  I remember the day I felt I had lost that inner happiness.  A little while back, I was sitting in my car waiting at a stop light outside of the Univeristy of Utah, I felt a pit of misery inside of me.  Now after some changes, realizations and humility, I am in such a better mood.  It feels like my spirit wants to smile and laugh.  There is a good familiarity about the way I feel now. 

There is more out there than just the latest fashion trend, more than the best high class dining experience, more than unruly substances to consume for instant gratification, more than money, more than popularity and fame.  If life is only about these, one will realize either quickly or over some wasted time, that real happiness actually isn't gained from these.  There is something more... thank goodness!

Friday, August 13, 2010

17 Moves and 5 States Later...

Summation of every single time I have packed up all of my stuff and moved... GEEZ...

1.  Born - Farmington, New Mexico (NM) - 1984
2.  Midvale, Utah (UT) - 1985/86
3.  Cottonwood Heights, UT - 1987
4.  Laie, Hawaii - 2002
5.  Cottonwood Heights, UT - 2003
6.  Provo, UT - 2003
7.  Cottonwood Heights, UT - 2004
8.  Murray, UT - 2005
9.  Sandy, UT- 2005
10.  Cottonwood Heights, UT - 2005
11.  Downtown Avenues, SLC, UT - 2006
12.  Cottonwood Heights, UT - 2007
13.  Downtown Salt Lake City, UT - 2008
14.  Cottonwood Heights, UT - 2009
15.  Washington, DC - 2009
16.  Cottonwood Heights, UT - 2009
17.  Los Angeles, CA - 2009
18. ??? - 2011

17 Moves and 5 States Later... Here I am!

*I should note that a majority of the "Cottonwood Heights" moves were just for a couple to few weeks staying at home until the next move was all prepped and ready to go, however I still had to move everything even though I may not have unpacked all my bags.

Just some random thoughts to share... How many times have you moved???

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

LA or Elle eh?

Today I decided that even though I have to study all of the time, I might as well try and have some fun while doing it.  Today while studying for my last midterm, I sat at the edge of my pool with my feet in the water and my study materials in hand.  Such a fabulous way to study!  There really are some amazing parts to LA, this is one of them.  

I have to constantly seek out the beauty around me if I want to keep my mind in a state of "creating beautiful things".  This job of seeking out the feelings of beauty to translate into something tangible is a spectacular job.  I couldn't think of a better way to spend my life from a career standpoint.  

Monday, August 9, 2010

Change of Heart

My last facebook update status notes:  It has taken me a little while to realize the only one who can inhibit us is the person staring back at us in the mirror. So I decided to stop inhibiting myself and you know what it feels pretty awesome. The weight on my shoulders has been lifted and I can finally breath deep and clear with a big smile on my face.

The change of heart for me in my life has happened, it will continue to happen all of my life as I learn and grow.  Not a better feeling out there.  Walking down the streets of Los Angeles on my way to school today felt great.  Sometimes in life we all need to do this - We all need to make those changes, make those improvements, and then walk confidently and happily towards what's instore for our future. 

The song "When the Sand Runs Out" has great lyrics.  The intro is about being at an old friend's grave.  I have changed the lyrics to a small degree to fit my life.  The old friend's grave... well.. it could represent the person I used to stare at in the mirror.  Now someone new is there with a changed countenance. 

"When The Sand Runs Out"

I spent the morning at an old friend's grave
Flowers and Amazing Grace, she was a good girl
She spent her whole life spinnin' her wheels
Never knowin' how the real thing feels

And I stood there thinking as I said goodbye
Today is the first day of the rest of my life

I'm gonna stop lookin' back and start movin' on
And learn how to face my fears
Love with all of my heart, make my mark
I wanna leave something here

'Cause people do it everyday
Promise themselves they're gonna change
I've been there, but I'm changin' from the inside out

That was then and this is now
I'm a new girl, yeah, I'm a brand new girl
And when they carve my stone they'll write these words
"Here lies a woman who lived and loved life for all that its worth".

Yeah I wanna be runnin'

When the sand runs out.

First fix yourself.  Then look to help others.  Serve others.  Be happy, with happiness that just never ever seems to fade.